Sun 27 Sep 2009
it’s a long one, but it’s the last one.
Posted by Sarah under none.
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Throughout the day, I develop and revise lengthy to-do lists, and usually feel somewhere between inadequate and overwhelmed when I eventually set them aside for the formal activity of sleep. And then I wake up every morning and realize that my expectations for production are rather high and, quantitatively, near impossible. So, as my list of things to-do is altered from day to day, the few remaining items on the bill that aren’t accomplished roll over into the following week, eliciting an exponentially growing chart of chores. And at the current percentage rate, I’m accumulating much more rapidly than I am completing, which means some things on the list never really get done. I guess you could call this selective process “prioritizing,” but there comes a point when certain tasks loose relevance and you move forward. However, I feel that I can’t really move forward in my position as student until I finish this blog. (which I promise you, I’ll do tonight.)
Week after week, I repeatedly transcribed “purchase dental” and “research yoga studios” and other things that are certainly important and, as I just realized, health related. “TT09,” has snuck it’s way onto to the general “chore chart” sector of my datebook. I’m a firm believer in following through, and if I fail to complete a project in every regard, from the archiving of the budget to the transmission of thank you notes, I might never actually feel satisfied with the overall outcome. Thus allowing these mostly finished activities to bleed over and infect more current aspects of my life, which indirectly affects my health. “Closure” they call it. So although this entry is pretty much rendered obsolete by time and the physical completion of the tour, I still see this ancillary, casual relaying of information to the public as important and deserving of final attention.
Having a considerable segment of time between the completion of the tour and the writing of this entry isn’t a terrible thing. I’ve since entered academia, and the period of adjustment has given me a more accurate perception of the project and clarified the methodology used to produce it. The diverse and rigid scheduling of educational systems, the substantial twice-daily commute, the thin distribution of my attention and responsibility….all have contributed to my rejection of the popular, illusory perception of “artist;” one that I had so recently (and blindly) assumed. I do not say this bitterly, but with critique. Having lost the freedom to navigate the romantic, anti-routine “artist lifestyle,” I’ve begun to wonder if I’ll ever execute a project of such scale. But in exchange for this loss, I’ve realized that, although beneficial for the selfish perpetuation of tipi tour, solely focusing on one project and its mechanics is a formula for ignorance. My previous position as artist-in-residence had propogated the suspension of disbelief, allowing me to luxuriously compose without limitation, without considering the larger boundaries within my work exists. My new surroundings have re-introduced me to a few vital components of effective art-making. Like context: the “real world” is real, and I am not a separate machine. Without thrusting myself into the society, the environment upon which my work is founded, how will I ever be an effective cultural producer?
In an attempt to reverse my previous occupation as “uninformed, one-dimensional artist,” I registered for 15 courses. The sheer thickness of the newsprint course catalogue gave me shivers. Hours of considering subjects and calculating the artistic research potential of each one left me in a state of utter confusion. But I was determined to foster some sort of trajectory by sucking in all the tempting riches of the academic world. (And to read the paper every once in a while.) After 3 mind-numbing weeks of attending classes and exposing myself to innumerable paths of knowledge, ranging from astro-aero engineering to genetic neurobiology, I feel exhausted. But also more defined in my integrity. I cannot disregard the spectrum of systems in which I operate, the uncontrolled interpretations of intention. I cannot unconsciously create and expect autonomy. But I also understand that as a human being, I am not omniscient.
So, in reflecting on the all-encompassing immersion of myself in this last project, I think I had the right idea. But such dedication led to an inability to understand and learn the true scope of immersion necessary in executing a public, political work. And now, confronted with the typical division of tasks and time that define a student’s life, I can see how the foundation is built. I have a stone laid in the ground. The process of construction might be slower and the results not so voluminous…but I have no doubt that it will be imbued with research and bolstered with pure spirit, eliciting a strong, solid structure. A fort perhaps. One in which I can fully defend my work.
And now for honors, or an acknowledgment of the debt I’ll never be capable of repaying:
Thank you to those who haven’t yet received recognition as hosts. In Chicago: Connie Spreen of the Experimental Station, Rebecca Zorach at the U. of Chicago, and Theaster Gates, a community activist and artist for whom I have a deep respect and admiration. In Braddock, PA: Mayor John Fetterman, Jed of the Braddock Youth Project, and Emily Katrencik, our gracious friend of enormous hospitality. In New York City: David Koren of Figment* 09, the Imagination Station crew at Governors Island, and Shalin Scupham, our spontaneous event coordinator and shelter-provider. In Rockingham County: John Gamble and Jennifer McNure for providing rehabilitation facilities and services.
Thank you to those who came along for the ride, either literally on the bus, remotely through the blog or temporarily as visitors to the installation sites. Thank you to everyone involved, particularly Jonas Criscoe, our 1st mate of utter humanistic understanding. And finally, thank you Ian…for driving nearly every one of the 6000 miles, for patient countenance and rational decision-making, for staying onboard and making sure I did too…for squeezing my hand and co-directing this (relatively) monumental event.
In short, thank you, tipi tour.
It’s been a wild ride. I hope to get tickets for the next one.









